


Forgiveness

by butterflyslinky



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Episode: s05e04 Nor the Battle to the Strong, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 22:40:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10773960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyslinky/pseuds/butterflyslinky
Summary: Jake goes to see Bashir after they return to the station.





	Forgiveness

Jake felt very small as he crept toward the infirmary. It was odd—he hadn’t felt small in a long time, not since the day he woke up and realized he was looking down at his father instead of up.

Nevertheless, that was how he felt, like a child. Like someone weak, someone not even worthy to speak to Doctor Bashir. Still, he’d been a coward too many times over the last few days. He couldn’t keep being one now.

Doctor Bashir was still awake, sitting in his office looking at his computer. He looked up and smiled when Jake tapped on the doorframe. “Jake!” Doctor Bashir said. “Come in…are you hurt? Ill?”

“No,” Jake said. “I just…I need to talk to you. About what happened back on the planet.”

Bashir’s smile slipped a bit. “Oh, Jake,” he said softly. “I’m so sorry…I never should have taken you there, if it’s interfering with your sleep…”

“It’s not that,” Jake said. “I mean…you were right, we shouldn’t have gone, but I insisted…you did what was right. No, it’s…it’s what I did, once we were there.”

“Jake, you saved us all,” Bashir said. “If not for you…”

“No,” Jake said. “It’s not what you think.”

“Then what was it?”

Bashir’s eyes were soft. He didn’t look judgmental or angry, just confused. Jake hated to disappoint him, but he had to say it.

“When we…when we went to get the generator and got separated…I didn’t just get confused. I ran away. I left you alone…didn’t even check to see you were alive…I made you carry it back alone, under fire…while I ran away to hide…and when the Klingons stormed the hospital…I didn’t cause the cave-in on purpose, I was just so scared…I was shooting blind…I’m sorry. I’m a coward, I let you down…”

“Jake,” Bashir said, his voice gentle. “You’re not a coward…and you certainly didn’t let me down.”

Jake looked up, surprised. “But…that man they brought in, the one who shot himself in the foot? You treated him like a coward…”

“He volunteered for Starfleet,” Bashir said. “He trained for battle. You didn’t. You chose not to join the service, and that was the right choice for you. You never trained for war, you never went through the tests we did. You never volunteered to go anywhere your father couldn’t protect you. No one blames you for being afraid—it kept you alive out there.”

“But I still ran,” Jake said. “I still failed to help you…”

“You’re being too hard on yourself,” Bashir said. “If you were Starfleet, maybe I’d be angry, but you aren’t. You’re a writer. Your duty is to tell stories, not be in them. Besides, we managed. I got the generator and we both lived. You still saved us all, even if it was an accident. And you were brave enough to come talk to me, even though you still feel ashamed. That’s more than I could have done.”

Jake nodded slowly. “Thanks,” he said. He turned to go.

“Jake.” Jake turned back to Bashir, who smiled at him. “You did well in the hospital, helping us.”

“I was in the way,” Jake mumbled.

“Not at all,” Bashir said. “In fact, once you got the hang of it, you were a pretty good stretcher-bearer. How would you like to learn some field medicine?”

Jake blinked. “Really? But…”

“It might help,” Bashir said. “If you know exactly what to do to help. I know that I did better down there, knowing that I needed to keep you safe. Maybe knowing how to keep other people safe will help you feel less afraid next time something happens.”

Jake nodded slowly. “I’d like that,” he said. “When do we start?”

“Tomorrow,” Bashir said. “For now, it’s time to sleep. Good night, Jake.”

“Good night, Doctor.”


End file.
